A is for A Long, Long Time Ago

 

MapofNeverlandMonster

Once upon a time I was locked in a Tower, away from the world, to keep it safe…

Once upon a time I was locked in a tower, gazing out hungrily. Yearning.

Touch. Smile. Love.

None of it was Mine.

Once upon a time I was Him and He was Me, and neither of Us were happy.

Once upon a time, a Trickster jolted Us free.

Set Us loose, on this unsuspecting world.

As a Favor.

As a Lark.

 

 

 

So, many of you may be wondering why I did a big, “I’m going to reopen this blog!” thing, and then pulled a radio silence.

I’ve been contemplating discussing some of my PCP experiences (Pop Culture Paganism for those of you not in the know), as they have vastly outnumbered my staid and true “Old Norse” experiences of late….sort of.

Everyone already thinks those of us with a living practice are crazy anyway, so I’m not sure why I’m so hesitant.

Rumi would be an outlier today with his whirling poetry and his incorporeal lover.

***

I’ll begin at the beginning, as that’s where things usually start. When I was a child, probably about 8 or so, I was friends with Peter Pan. Now, I’m fairly certain Peter was a guise for Loki, a fairly thin one at that, but the longer I contemplate things and the more I interact with “spirits”, hell, who knows?

What I was once convinced was a face of Loki could have been Him, or Someone else…or the mass conscious energy converted into Peter Pan.

There wasn’t a night for a few years that I didn’t spend about an hour before I fell asleep in my head space with Peter Pan. He was my friend, oddly even at that age my Lover, and a foil for my plans and ingenious ideas. We inhabited a Land of Dreams, a creation entirely of our making, which I never knew until reading Peter Pan as an adult is the Very Essence, of Neverland. Neverland is constantly changing, shifting, renegotiating realities….

And that is where we were.

And I argue, to some degree, that is where all of us who spend time with Pop Culture Entities go to Play.

All of this Pop Culture Mess starts at the beginning, A Long Time Ago, in the stories our Elders told us, the Playland of dreams, where we were free and didn’t know any better and loved best and hardest.

Pop Culture Paganism starts in the unbridled joy of childhood, or at least it did for me.

 

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Grand Re-Opening!

This is extremely tentative, but I am considering reopening my blog. My life is in a slightly different spot than it was when I closed it, so…there’s that. I have since moved yet again. I’m going to ease back in with a post a week, possibly.

 

Cheers!

What’s On Your Altar?

Let’s have a round of “what’s on my altar?” tonight.

Let’s see…two burning candles for the Blood Brothers. One candle for Loki Himself that is an autumn/fall harvest candle. It won’t burn no matter what I do to it. (I’m thinking of putting something extremely flammable on it just to see if I can make it burn because GOD DAMN IT *L* what don’t you like about that candle? I’m starting to think it’s just that the time of year isn’t strictly his domain so He won’t let it burn.) A wintergreen candle welcoming Lady Skadi (getting cold here). A piece of driftwood because it carries a calming energy with it. Another harvest candle for the Gods Who Smile on Me. Another candle for Loki Himself, a tall white candle for Odin–Loki’s Blood Brother. A sage bundle that isn’t being used at the moment. A candle welcoming bounty into our household. And a wonderful plaque a friend of mine made for my birthday. choose I love tending my altar. It’s a joyful duty, one that brings me peace and a sense of purpose.

Missing Loki

missedaspot

I don’t know if anyone will particularly find this interesting, but I thought I would share. For a while I’ve been having minor health problems. Nothing that is going to kill me today, but if I don’t get a handle on them they will certainly do so down the road. Or brain damage me, which is, about my worst nightmare. About a year ago (maybe less, but if feels like forever ago at this point) I was having some deep conversation with myself, and Loki, and the universe at large and He demanded I completely overhaul my diet.

He’s done this to me before, and I wasn’t happy, but did end up dumping caffeine, the sweet, dark nectar of the Gods. It was hell. It was horrid. It was hard. I felt much better.

I wasn’t eating terribly: my husband is vegetarian tending toward vegan, so I was eating with him part of the time. However, when I wasn’t with him I was eating drive through because I don’t feel like I have time to eat properly when I’m working. I was eating garbage fast food for breakfast almost every day of the week that I was working because it was so easy to get it and cheap. I was having doughnuts almost every morning too because the Krispy Kreme bin is right there beside the newspaper when I stop to pick it up. In the back of my mind I knew it wasn’t good, but I didn’t want to work harder at simply staying alive.

Plus, doughnuts are awesome. (As an aside: I eat organic at my house. I buy nothing but organic, wholesome foods for my husband and children, yet here I was eating fucking doughnuts.)

Loki told me to stop or I was essentially going to kill myself. NOW, when He exnayed caffeine for me at one point it was raising my blood pressure to extremely unhealthy heights because I’ve apparently developed a sensitivity to it. I can do de-caf for the most part, but even that can be iffy if there is too much caffeine in the decaf roast of the coffee. So, it’s best if I just avoid it.

When he started hinting around again that I needed to overhaul my diet I wasn’t happy. I went to the doctor and my blood pressure was pushing up to unhealthy ranges again and my other bloodwork wasn’t the greatest. Grumbling, I decided I would try to change things, but didn’t really want to. I resisted, doing well for a few days, fucking up for ten more. Then I went back and my blood pressure was even higher.

Loki: Cut the shit. No sugar. No salt. No dairy. No meat. No caffeine. Eat like your husband. He’s healthy. And knock this shit off. Why won’t you just do what you already know you need to do? It’s either shape up or die thanks to your genetics.

Me: You love meat!

Loki: No shit. Your body shouldn’t have it. You’ve known this for a while, but you continue.

Me: I know.

Loki: Then do it, Love. Stop being stubborn.

It’s food though. It’s a lot harder than it should be. I’m embarrassed to admit this has actually driven a wedge between myself and Loki, mainly because though I’ve done a lot to do what He wanted from me, I haven’t fully complied. I stopped buying sugary lattes all the time. I stopped buying cookies and doughnuts (for the most part.) I haven’t fully gotten on board though because it’s hard. I love that kind of food. I grew up on German food and rich, fatty farm food. We negotiated and he said I could have a day a month to eat as I chose, and I’ve still been having trouble getting there.

I recently found out my biological father has diabetes at 50, something I’ve been terrified of because my birth mother’s family also has it, and once again Loki has a point. My birth father is apparently not doing well either. That scared the shit out of me. I want to be around to do all the fun stuff with my family I’ve envisioned. I may get diabetes eventually, but I don’t want it to be because I couldn’t lay off the sweets. I want to be around to write and laugh and love. I need to try harder. He always has a point, and I’m so very ashamed that I’ve allowed this to come between us. I adore Him. I adore everything about His ecstatic, energetic, beautiful self, and I’ve been having trouble sitting with Him because I feel like an errant child.

But He doesn’t care the way I think He does. He doesn’t hate me because I’m having trouble. I’ve been tossing my human baggage His direction.

He gives a shit about me.

I have so much trouble with that concept. I’ve finally realized that I’ve been pushing Him away even as I’ve been lighting candles on His altar because of this enslavement to the food I want to continue eating when I shouldn’t. It’s insane. I’m addicted to crappy fucking food that isn’t even as good as the home cooked food I make.

I guess I’m writing this post because the struggle is real. Sometimes They ask us to do things we already know we should do. Sometimes They ask us to do things that seem ridiculous on the outside, but are perfectly legitimate because They have a longer view. And we don’t want to do it. We don’t want to do whatever they are asking because it’s HARD. Well, change isn’t easy, but Loki is a God of change. This piss ant struggle over what food I should and shouldn’t be shoving in my face capsized my entire religious practice because I didn’t want to change. I started to gradually change the way I was eating and my blood pressure has been getting steadily better. I started doing the things I should do. Then I relapsed a little, took a half a step back. Now I’m struggling forward again. But, I want it now. I spent almost an entire summer without Loki. I have been ignoring Him, and I know He hates that. I want to do things differently. Loki has been around. I’ve felt him checking on me frequently, but I haven’t been engaging.

Shame is a powerful thing.

But fuck that noise.

I’m getting healthier for myself and my family, and I feel like I can’t truly work with Them unless I’m healthy enough to delve into the energy work and that’s where I’m at with Loki. I’m trying to get healthy enough to do that with Him again.

I’m trying to think of a good way to tell a God I’m sorry.

Maybe something like this?

I’m so sorry I’ve been absent in my practice, my Sweetest Friend. I know I’ve been with you in spirit when I’ve been engaging in creating, in art, but it hasn’t been quite the same. I miss you and I’m sorry.

I’ve also missed My Sneaky Starshine, whoever you are.

And thanks, Odin, for not forcing the issue. I know you could have and you are letting me work it out on my own.

Thank you Lady Sigyn for showing me the perseverance is in my realm of control. Thank you for being Victory Woman.

Hail to the Gods!

That Struggle

I am editing a text on Teutonic religion right now, which is interesting. I haven’t been doing much lately that works directly with religion itself. Okay, I take that back. I haven’t been doing anything at all with the exception of my devotions, which, when done without much intention are hollow at best and insulting at worst. I’ve been trying to draw my attention to my devotions as I do them, once I realized what I was doing.

Dealing with some minor medical issues, work, and family, as usual and still trying to make it all flow. Every day is a struggle for time, but I’m aware of the need for it, which makes it more likely to happen.

Let’s Play Name that Deity

Long black hair. Bold eyes that have a touch of madness sparkling in their depths. Feels like excitement and dread all rolled into one when he looks at me during a meditation. And he does look. Pale. Tall. Masculine. Prefers black. He stalks my dreams and his lessons are bitter tears I haven’t wept salting my tongue.

He lingers in the dark, dirty gray bricked room of a temple with a gray cement throne. He doesn’t like to sit on the throne.

He doesn’t want the throne.

Is that you Jor? The son of the Trickster radiates similar vibes to the father. I’m simply not sure.

Or is it someone else?

His love would be like fangs, sinking in deep, cutting on their way out. There’s something off about Him in the best way possible. I hate it when They don’t identify Themselves.

Pre-Order Announcement: Worshiping Loki – A Short Introduction

This is a lovely volume I’d dearly like to purchase. Alas, I am poor, but maybe some of you aren’t! Have a look.

The Road, the Walker, and What Comes Next

Today is a most auspicious day for the release of a new book. Worshiping Loki: A Short Introduction contains guidelines for building a fulfilling practice of Loki worship in a polytheistic context.

lokibook1Presenting material derived from experience and practice, this book sets aside arguments of historicity to provide today’s curious practitioner with practical, applicable information that can be put to work right away. Extending hospitality, building an alter, making offerings, saying prayers, and deepening practice are all covered. Discernment exercises are also provided to help enrich one’s contact with the divine. This slim 18 page volume is comparable to the devotional volumes I offer through Etsy, and extra special book making materials have been chosen to further distinguish this edition.lokibook2This very special volume is being released in limited numbers. 20 signed and numbered volumes are being issued for sale at $45 each. This batch of books will also be…

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