Grand Re-Opening!

This is extremely tentative, but I am considering reopening my blog. My life is in a slightly different spot than it was when I closed it, so…there’s that. I have since moved yet again. I’m going to ease back in with a post a week, possibly.

 

Cheers!

What’s On Your Altar?

Let’s have a round of “what’s on my altar?” tonight.

Let’s see…two burning candles for the Blood Brothers. One candle for Loki Himself that is an autumn/fall harvest candle. It won’t burn no matter what I do to it. (I’m thinking of putting something extremely flammable on it just to see if I can make it burn because GOD DAMN IT *L* what don’t you like about that candle? I’m starting to think it’s just that the time of year isn’t strictly his domain so He won’t let it burn.) A wintergreen candle welcoming Lady Skadi (getting cold here). A piece of driftwood because it carries a calming energy with it. Another harvest candle for the Gods Who Smile on Me. Another candle for Loki Himself, a tall white candle for Odin–Loki’s Blood Brother. A sage bundle that isn’t being used at the moment. A candle welcoming bounty into our household. And a wonderful plaque a friend of mine made for my birthday. choose I love tending my altar. It’s a joyful duty, one that brings me peace and a sense of purpose.

Missing Loki

missedaspot

I don’t know if anyone will particularly find this interesting, but I thought I would share. For a while I’ve been having minor health problems. Nothing that is going to kill me today, but if I don’t get a handle on them they will certainly do so down the road. Or brain damage me, which is, about my worst nightmare. About a year ago (maybe less, but if feels like forever ago at this point) I was having some deep conversation with myself, and Loki, and the universe at large and He demanded I completely overhaul my diet.

He’s done this to me before, and I wasn’t happy, but did end up dumping caffeine, the sweet, dark nectar of the Gods. It was hell. It was horrid. It was hard. I felt much better.

I wasn’t eating terribly: my husband is vegetarian tending toward vegan, so I was eating with him part of the time. However, when I wasn’t with him I was eating drive through because I don’t feel like I have time to eat properly when I’m working. I was eating garbage fast food for breakfast almost every day of the week that I was working because it was so easy to get it and cheap. I was having doughnuts almost every morning too because the Krispy Kreme bin is right there beside the newspaper when I stop to pick it up. In the back of my mind I knew it wasn’t good, but I didn’t want to work harder at simply staying alive.

Plus, doughnuts are awesome. (As an aside: I eat organic at my house. I buy nothing but organic, wholesome foods for my husband and children, yet here I was eating fucking doughnuts.)

Loki told me to stop or I was essentially going to kill myself. NOW, when He exnayed caffeine for me at one point it was raising my blood pressure to extremely unhealthy heights because I’ve apparently developed a sensitivity to it. I can do de-caf for the most part, but even that can be iffy if there is too much caffeine in the decaf roast of the coffee. So, it’s best if I just avoid it.

When he started hinting around again that I needed to overhaul my diet I wasn’t happy. I went to the doctor and my blood pressure was pushing up to unhealthy ranges again and my other bloodwork wasn’t the greatest. Grumbling, I decided I would try to change things, but didn’t really want to. I resisted, doing well for a few days, fucking up for ten more. Then I went back and my blood pressure was even higher.

Loki: Cut the shit. No sugar. No salt. No dairy. No meat. No caffeine. Eat like your husband. He’s healthy. And knock this shit off. Why won’t you just do what you already know you need to do? It’s either shape up or die thanks to your genetics.

Me: You love meat!

Loki: No shit. Your body shouldn’t have it. You’ve known this for a while, but you continue.

Me: I know.

Loki: Then do it, Love. Stop being stubborn.

It’s food though. It’s a lot harder than it should be. I’m embarrassed to admit this has actually driven a wedge between myself and Loki, mainly because though I’ve done a lot to do what He wanted from me, I haven’t fully complied. I stopped buying sugary lattes all the time. I stopped buying cookies and doughnuts (for the most part.) I haven’t fully gotten on board though because it’s hard. I love that kind of food. I grew up on German food and rich, fatty farm food. We negotiated and he said I could have a day a month to eat as I chose, and I’ve still been having trouble getting there.

I recently found out my biological father has diabetes at 50, something I’ve been terrified of because my birth mother’s family also has it, and once again Loki has a point. My birth father is apparently not doing well either. That scared the shit out of me. I want to be around to do all the fun stuff with my family I’ve envisioned. I may get diabetes eventually, but I don’t want it to be because I couldn’t lay off the sweets. I want to be around to write and laugh and love. I need to try harder. He always has a point, and I’m so very ashamed that I’ve allowed this to come between us. I adore Him. I adore everything about His ecstatic, energetic, beautiful self, and I’ve been having trouble sitting with Him because I feel like an errant child.

But He doesn’t care the way I think He does. He doesn’t hate me because I’m having trouble. I’ve been tossing my human baggage His direction.

He gives a shit about me.

I have so much trouble with that concept. I’ve finally realized that I’ve been pushing Him away even as I’ve been lighting candles on His altar because of this enslavement to the food I want to continue eating when I shouldn’t. It’s insane. I’m addicted to crappy fucking food that isn’t even as good as the home cooked food I make.

I guess I’m writing this post because the struggle is real. Sometimes They ask us to do things we already know we should do. Sometimes They ask us to do things that seem ridiculous on the outside, but are perfectly legitimate because They have a longer view. And we don’t want to do it. We don’t want to do whatever they are asking because it’s HARD. Well, change isn’t easy, but Loki is a God of change. This piss ant struggle over what food I should and shouldn’t be shoving in my face capsized my entire religious practice because I didn’t want to change. I started to gradually change the way I was eating and my blood pressure has been getting steadily better. I started doing the things I should do. Then I relapsed a little, took a half a step back. Now I’m struggling forward again. But, I want it now. I spent almost an entire summer without Loki. I have been ignoring Him, and I know He hates that. I want to do things differently. Loki has been around. I’ve felt him checking on me frequently, but I haven’t been engaging.

Shame is a powerful thing.

But fuck that noise.

I’m getting healthier for myself and my family, and I feel like I can’t truly work with Them unless I’m healthy enough to delve into the energy work and that’s where I’m at with Loki. I’m trying to get healthy enough to do that with Him again.

I’m trying to think of a good way to tell a God I’m sorry.

Maybe something like this?

I’m so sorry I’ve been absent in my practice, my Sweetest Friend. I know I’ve been with you in spirit when I’ve been engaging in creating, in art, but it hasn’t been quite the same. I miss you and I’m sorry.

I’ve also missed My Sneaky Starshine, whoever you are.

And thanks, Odin, for not forcing the issue. I know you could have and you are letting me work it out on my own.

Thank you Lady Sigyn for showing me the perseverance is in my realm of control. Thank you for being Victory Woman.

Hail to the Gods!

That Struggle

I am editing a text on Teutonic religion right now, which is interesting. I haven’t been doing much lately that works directly with religion itself. Okay, I take that back. I haven’t been doing anything at all with the exception of my devotions, which, when done without much intention are hollow at best and insulting at worst. I’ve been trying to draw my attention to my devotions as I do them, once I realized what I was doing.

Dealing with some minor medical issues, work, and family, as usual and still trying to make it all flow. Every day is a struggle for time, but I’m aware of the need for it, which makes it more likely to happen.

Let’s Play Name that Deity

Long black hair. Bold eyes that have a touch of madness sparkling in their depths. Feels like excitement and dread all rolled into one when he looks at me during a meditation. And he does look. Pale. Tall. Masculine. Prefers black. He stalks my dreams and his lessons are bitter tears I haven’t wept salting my tongue.

He lingers in the dark, dirty gray bricked room of a temple with a gray cement throne. He doesn’t like to sit on the throne.

He doesn’t want the throne.

Is that you Jor? The son of the Trickster radiates similar vibes to the father. I’m simply not sure.

Or is it someone else?

His love would be like fangs, sinking in deep, cutting on their way out. There’s something off about Him in the best way possible. I hate it when They don’t identify Themselves.

Pre-Order Announcement: Worshiping Loki – A Short Introduction

This is a lovely volume I’d dearly like to purchase. Alas, I am poor, but maybe some of you aren’t! Have a look.

The Road, the Walker, and What Comes Next

Today is a most auspicious day for the release of a new book. Worshiping Loki: A Short Introduction contains guidelines for building a fulfilling practice of Loki worship in a polytheistic context.

lokibook1Presenting material derived from experience and practice, this book sets aside arguments of historicity to provide today’s curious practitioner with practical, applicable information that can be put to work right away. Extending hospitality, building an alter, making offerings, saying prayers, and deepening practice are all covered. Discernment exercises are also provided to help enrich one’s contact with the divine. This slim 18 page volume is comparable to the devotional volumes I offer through Etsy, and extra special book making materials have been chosen to further distinguish this edition.lokibook2This very special volume is being released in limited numbers. 20 signed and numbered volumes are being issued for sale at $45 each. This batch of books will also be…

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July for Loki 2015 or Lokkasplosion on My Life

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I believe this will be my third July for Loki. It seems like I should have been at this longer for some reason. I’m excited this year in a way I wasn’t quite last year, and I think it’s because I haven’t been getting in as much time with Loki as I’d like. Having a month that I know I’m going to be setting aside time for Him is a huge deal for me. I’m not planning on addressing the origins or reasons for the Month for Loki in this blog post—though I think the practice originated with Galina Krasskova—as others cover the topic more thoroughly and knowledgably than I, but the month roughly corresponds with the rising of Sirius which varies from region to region. Read more about Sirius here. According to the simulator I found Sirius doesn’t rise in my region until late July (though I’m not entirely confident I’m reading the results right.) But, that’s no reason not to go ahead and give him the whole month.

I have some exciting plans for this month and a few things I’m already planning on working toward. I think my major focus is going to be meditation. I’ve had varying degrees of success with traditional meditation, but I thought I would branch out and try a few different things, such as focused meditation (using an image or other tangible object for meditation), chanting (what words or tones remain to be seen), and art as a form of meditation. I’m also going to try to tackle meditating with and around children and children’s schedules, as my youngest keeps the same hours we do it often makes it difficult to do anything especially deep as far as meditation goes. When you have to keep an eye on your candles for fear that small fingers will be in them it does tend to put a damper on things. To round out the art extravaganza I’m also going to attempt to have a few pieces of flash fiction here and there as well as some poetry.

A major focus of my work this month is also going to be prayer. I’ve created some small prayers for Loki previously, though nothing I’ve ever been especially good with remembering the words to, and I would like to start shaping something that will be useful to me overall. I’ve also been meaning to figure out a regular meal time prayer for my family for quite a while, as it’s something my husband has mentioned he would like more than once, which isn’t exactly Loki related, per se, but is something I think this time would be good to be used for.

Yet another goal of July is to start working my witchery back into my day to day living. There are various ways to do this with such simple things as cleaning my house “with intent” to cleanse negativity at the same time, to cooking with joy and love, as well as remembering to sage the apartment at least once a week. There’s so much I could do with this. My daughters have also been coming home with Willow branches after rainstorms from our local park and I’m thinking of making them into besoms. I should probably add some simple crafting to my list then, as well.

So, that’s the “Loki’s Amazing Fun Month of Chicanery” so far as I have it mapped out. I’m fairly certain this will be augmented with some beach trips to meditate as well, but I haven’t set out anything in stone. July Fourth we have plans to celebrate the Independence of our country with some friends, but that won’t be time off for me. Loki likes celebrating, so I’ll be inviting him along too.

One last teeny tiny thing that I’m working on that is a special request from Loki Himself, is being cheerful. Yes, he’s asked me to be cheerful and less negative. It’s not good for anything much to be stuck in a rut, including health, magickal workings, or my family.

What are your plans? I hope everyone aspires to a wonderful month of happiness, even if they aren’t celebrating for Loki.