Normally, I get a low level feel good buzz when Loki is hanging out with me. Sometimes, I would say about twice a day, He is “closer” and we can have a small back and forth about whatever I’m up to or whatever He’s been up to. It isn’t as clear or definite as trance work and frankly I think I would be able to do this more often if I weren’t as stressed with my kids and trying to generally make my life work.
I guess the point of this is that on the average it isn’t something overwhelming. As with most relationships if I choose to I can ignore what is going on with Him or if I am too involved in my own life it happens.
Today my hubby and I had a big blow out and we were going at each other with every problem we’ve ever had and all of the current ones and inventing some new ones just to add some spice to things. This seemed like any other fight we’d ever had. Formula: Fight+tears+screaming=Air Cleared and General Feel Goods Returned…also kissing.
Well, today-during this fight, my husband said this to me:
“I’m going to sew your mouth shut, so that you can’t keep talking.”
I’d never felt Loki rage before, but rage He did. I hadn’t realized He was even around until I got a tidal wave of…the best translation is “I will ruin him if he even tries.” So, then I had an enraged God in my mental ear and a husband merrily carrying on our fight without my input as I tried to batten down the hatches and deal with my anger, HIS anger, and my husband’s anger.
This has easily been one of the most overwhelming, unpleasant experiences I’ve ever felt emotionally.
So, while my husband continued on I literally had a time out where I explained to Loki that my husband was kidding. He wouldn’t physically harm me. They were words. He insisted that I address this with my husband, as I have times before, and in a way that I really put an end to it this time. I tried, but I don’t know if I succeeded.
But then I considered, I don’t say things like that. I don’t say things I don’t have any intention of carrying out, and to some degree I don’t think Loki does either. In some ways I feel adrift in our society of easy whims and words.
At the end of it all I ended up sitting on the floor holding Loki’s alter candle and feeling his warmth envelope me. Hail Loki!