Love Reservoir

Everyone is a special fucking snowflake, but that doesn’t make us special. Our differences peg us as dynamic and alive, living, breathing, pounding on the walls of our own prison every day. We all build our own walls-to keep shit in (emotions, crazy) to keep shit out (people, emotions, information we don’t want). We’re all on our own journey and in the end what everyone else is doing only matters for two reasons: If it aids us on our own journey or if we love them. Obviously, I’m not talking about global issues like war or famine or recycling your damned plastic water bottles rather than tossing them into my lawn, but what everyone else is doing socially or spiritually.

I’m capable of loving a lot of people, so I care a lot. Some people aren’t, so they don’t.

Sometimes I don’t want to care about other people. Some days I’m having a shitty day and I want everyone who isn’t in my circle of love to fuck off and die. Some days I’m feeling super helpful and I would do almost anything for a person in need. The differences on those days seem to be my “love” reservoir. Is it full or low? What makes it full? What makes it low?

Why is a Lokean talking about cultivating love?

Well, because my God is a loving God when he isn’t out being The World Breaker-which most days he doesn’t seem to be. He wants me to be loving and kind to others and help them whenever I can, especially those in the community and those who are HIS special little fucking snowflakes.

My reservoir gets low when I’m missing the key components of self actualization: Food, Housing, Sleep, Clean Clothing. Lately, I’ve been having trouble getting my mundane life to behave and smooth out so my spiritual/mental life has been getting rockier as well and the love reservoir is dangerously low. I’m becoming more aware of that and I’m not sure how to rectify the situation since I can’t fix my mundane situation tonight.

Perhaps mindfulness? If I know I am feeling mean and cantankerous shall I simply try all the harder to be kind to others? Is that hiding my true self?

My Sweetest Friend doesn’t enjoy seeing me exhibit pettiness and to be honest I don’t like that either. Maybe I will just search down a chocolate bar and hope it sweetens my outlook as well as my tongue.

Today’s Mini-Rant Brought to you by:

The letter C for Complaint and the number 1 for I’m my own problem.


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