Keeping Them At the Forefront

I think the hardest part of my working day is keeping Them-the gods- as a viable, real part of my day. When They’re around it isn’t hard, but some days either they have better things to do or I’m just not that tuned in and then I get bogged down and don’t.

We do little things to keep in tune with the divine when we practice all of the time. Light incense, burn candles, pray, leave offerings, and simply acknowledge Them with Hails or spend time with them in mediation. Another very important element I’m hungering for as part of my day is study. I think if I were reading the Eddas (or whatever-devotional reading can take ALL SORTS of forms) each day, even just a few paragraphs, it would be easier to keep them in mind.

Some of me feels like I’m pulling on my upbringing. I keep picturing my Grandmother plunked down at our kitchen table reading her bible every morning, but on the other hand-sometimes a good idea is just a good idea.

Ponderations. I have them.

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Dirt Cheap Altar Candles

I wanted to share for any of my fellow practitioners who are also on limited funds. If you travel into your Spanish/Mexican/Southwest section in your local grocer to the place where they have Goya products you will find candles in glass-sometimes with Mary and Jesus on them-but if you dig through the candles there will most likely be white, green, blue, and red ones that are without decoration. They are cheap. Here they are $1.99. They don’t smoke like some cheap candles do. If you only burn them for a short time a day they may last for a month or more OR if you’re like me and you like to burn candles for your deities all day long they last for almost a week. That’s my fantastic, pagan find of the week!

Spirit Work and Working Life

When Himself is sad I feel it.

When Himself is happy I feel it.

Sometimes He’s upset and He won’t tell me why.

The world beats Him down, His loves fight Him off, and He leans on me.

Sometimes He’s joyful and everything falls just right for Him and I get to feel that Joy with Him.

Mundania has been cutting into Our time lately. I’ve been working long hours and writing/communing with Himself less. I’ve been taking care of my family. Sometimes Mundania hurts me and I wish I could leave it all. I wish I could go away and be with Himself and let the world take care of itself, but I know I wouldn’t be happy there either. There’s a thin line I can walk and be truly happy. I think all Spirit Workers lurk here on this edge of everything where their kinship with Otherness keeps them looking for alone time, free time, Their time, and living keeps calling us over, off the trail where we’re happy.

This isn’t so much a “cry baby nothing is right” post, though I know I’ve made those, as a-“gee making a family and working life congeal with my spiritual life and desire to spend time growing is hard” post. It’s very difficult to try to get everything to flow. I have young children and they need me. I have to support us.

I’ve tried getting up early, and that worked for a while, but eventually I was just too exhausted to keep doing it. I burnt out and didn’t find the joy in any part of my life, so now I’m stuck in an uncomfortable, “what the hell should I do?” spot. Ignoring Himself isn’t an option. I’ve been down that road and it isn’t pleasant for either of us. I’m trying harder to integrate him throughout my day in Mundania. I toss out Hails at work. I talk to Him on my drive home. I chant while I’m waiting for the car to warm up.

Overall, I was much happier when I could commit several hours a day to Himself and my spiritual process, and maybe that is why my unemployment lasted so long. Maybe either I subconsciously or He purposefully pushed my life around so that I would have time to solidify that bond with Himself so it was something that couldn’t be easily broken by stress.

Oh, well. I’m going to keep trying and keep rearranging my life, keep investing in change, until I find something that works and makes my family and my Sweetest Friend happy.

Imbolc or How I Began to Question Joining In Public Rituals

So, I went to a public ritual held by the pagans in my area for Imbolc. The ritual itself was absolutely lovely and imaginative. The ritual was all about: Change. This is the first truly public ritual I’ve been able to make it to, and I must admit after I realized what was going on -that the theme was change- I suspected some meddling from Himself on finally getting me there, but, overall, change is a reasonable topic for an Imbolc ritual. It could be a coincidence.

The ritual opened and we got coins that were coated in silver. We passed them through fire and then put them in water and they were back to their usual color. It was a very cool science project and I loved it. Everything was fine and then the person who was holding the ceremony invoked Brighid. Brigit. Whatever variation on the spelling you’d like.

I found Loki wrapped around me in a very much MINE mode and it started-

“I’m a God of change. You already have Me here. I don’t like the idea of Her near you, so Let’s LEAVE. Let’s get out of here. Let’s go, go, go.”

Of course, I stayed because I didn’t want to break the circle or interrupt, but the energy was not necessarily pleasant and Loki was very much jumping up and down the whole time with the whole-“You’ve got Me and We already do this. You’ve been working on change for YEARS. Let’s go.” I didn’t feel okay or myself again until after the ritual was closed and I was out of the circle.

I think that this has shown me in a big way that working willy nilly with anyone-calling the Gods as tools rather than people-isn’t necessarily a great idea, especially for someone who already works with a God or group of Gods. I’m not sure if it was just THIS ritual or if it will happen with all of the rituals. I was uncomfortable, as I said and Himself definitely didn’t like it. I did invite my Sweetest Friend along, so maybe next time I won’t? I don’t know if He was there because I asked Him along or if He would have chosen to travel with me even if I hadn’t asked. I don’t always realize He’s around until he clues me in. Maybe next time I could ask if He would like to stay out of the ritual? It seems so rude to ask Him not to come with me, and besides, He most likely would do whatever He wanted anyway if He thought there was a reason He should.

I’ve found that this discomfort most certainly didn’t happen when I was working in a group calling down archetypes. The energy that floats in when someone calls an archtype isn’t so much personality oriented. (I have a whole set of thoughts on polytheists working with archetypes that I need to get into order.) I’m not sure if my discomfort was that we were calling on a deity I’m unfamiliar with and an energy I’m unfamiliar with, which arrived calling on a kenning of a deity (ostensibly Brighid’s face of change) that is also something that Loki holds as an essential part of His character. Maybe the “energy of change” felt wrong and uncomfortable to me because I find Loki’s energy familiar and comforting and this definitely wasn’t that.

I’m probably going to continue on with attending public rituals for a bit to see if this was a limited problem for me. If I choose to hold rituals for a large gathering in the future I may stay to archtypes in the future or choose to work with Faces of the Deities I love.  

Energy Alchemy

Warning: This post is going to discuss sex and some sexual things, in case that isn’t your cup of tea you can skip it.

 

I’m not sure why, but there are times when I interact with Himself, or the Divinities in general, that are inherently sexual, or at the very least my sex sites get stimulated with the energy overload, or maybe just the energy in general.

Sometimes when I’m doing my morning devotional practice I jolt into a sexualized state, not necessarily because Himself intends it (thought, I wouldn’t be surprised if He did), but because of the ENERGY. I think it has something to do with how brushing divine energy interacts with the Human Physiology, but I’m not sure. I think it is entirely natural and I don’t worry about it per se, but when I’m at a public ritual it can be a bit overwhelming to be sure. It’s almost like I get too much sensory input from mundania after I’m overwhelmed by communing with Himself. I’ve had it happen when interacting with Angrboda and Jormundgandr as well, but mainly the bulk of my interaction is with Loki.

I’m not going anywhere with this, other than it happens, and I am pondering if it is intentional or not or just one of those things.