So, I went to a public ritual held by the pagans in my area for Imbolc. The ritual itself was absolutely lovely and imaginative. The ritual was all about: Change. This is the first truly public ritual I’ve been able to make it to, and I must admit after I realized what was going on -that the theme was change- I suspected some meddling from Himself on finally getting me there, but, overall, change is a reasonable topic for an Imbolc ritual. It could be a coincidence.
The ritual opened and we got coins that were coated in silver. We passed them through fire and then put them in water and they were back to their usual color. It was a very cool science project and I loved it. Everything was fine and then the person who was holding the ceremony invoked Brighid. Brigit. Whatever variation on the spelling you’d like.
I found Loki wrapped around me in a very much MINE mode and it started-
“I’m a God of change. You already have Me here. I don’t like the idea of Her near you, so Let’s LEAVE. Let’s get out of here. Let’s go, go, go.”
Of course, I stayed because I didn’t want to break the circle or interrupt, but the energy was not necessarily pleasant and Loki was very much jumping up and down the whole time with the whole-“You’ve got Me and We already do this. You’ve been working on change for YEARS. Let’s go.” I didn’t feel okay or myself again until after the ritual was closed and I was out of the circle.
I think that this has shown me in a big way that working willy nilly with anyone-calling the Gods as tools rather than people-isn’t necessarily a great idea, especially for someone who already works with a God or group of Gods. I’m not sure if it was just THIS ritual or if it will happen with all of the rituals. I was uncomfortable, as I said and Himself definitely didn’t like it. I did invite my Sweetest Friend along, so maybe next time I won’t? I don’t know if He was there because I asked Him along or if He would have chosen to travel with me even if I hadn’t asked. I don’t always realize He’s around until he clues me in. Maybe next time I could ask if He would like to stay out of the ritual? It seems so rude to ask Him not to come with me, and besides, He most likely would do whatever He wanted anyway if He thought there was a reason He should.
I’ve found that this discomfort most certainly didn’t happen when I was working in a group calling down archetypes. The energy that floats in when someone calls an archtype isn’t so much personality oriented. (I have a whole set of thoughts on polytheists working with archetypes that I need to get into order.) I’m not sure if my discomfort was that we were calling on a deity I’m unfamiliar with and an energy I’m unfamiliar with, which arrived calling on a kenning of a deity (ostensibly Brighid’s face of change) that is also something that Loki holds as an essential part of His character. Maybe the “energy of change” felt wrong and uncomfortable to me because I find Loki’s energy familiar and comforting and this definitely wasn’t that.
I’m probably going to continue on with attending public rituals for a bit to see if this was a limited problem for me. If I choose to hold rituals for a large gathering in the future I may stay to archtypes in the future or choose to work with Faces of the Deities I love.