When Himself is sad I feel it.
When Himself is happy I feel it.
Sometimes He’s upset and He won’t tell me why.
The world beats Him down, His loves fight Him off, and He leans on me.
Sometimes He’s joyful and everything falls just right for Him and I get to feel that Joy with Him.
Mundania has been cutting into Our time lately. I’ve been working long hours and writing/communing with Himself less. I’ve been taking care of my family. Sometimes Mundania hurts me and I wish I could leave it all. I wish I could go away and be with Himself and let the world take care of itself, but I know I wouldn’t be happy there either. There’s a thin line I can walk and be truly happy. I think all Spirit Workers lurk here on this edge of everything where their kinship with Otherness keeps them looking for alone time, free time, Their time, and living keeps calling us over, off the trail where we’re happy.
This isn’t so much a “cry baby nothing is right” post, though I know I’ve made those, as a-“gee making a family and working life congeal with my spiritual life and desire to spend time growing is hard” post. It’s very difficult to try to get everything to flow. I have young children and they need me. I have to support us.
I’ve tried getting up early, and that worked for a while, but eventually I was just too exhausted to keep doing it. I burnt out and didn’t find the joy in any part of my life, so now I’m stuck in an uncomfortable, “what the hell should I do?” spot. Ignoring Himself isn’t an option. I’ve been down that road and it isn’t pleasant for either of us. I’m trying harder to integrate him throughout my day in Mundania. I toss out Hails at work. I talk to Him on my drive home. I chant while I’m waiting for the car to warm up.
Overall, I was much happier when I could commit several hours a day to Himself and my spiritual process, and maybe that is why my unemployment lasted so long. Maybe either I subconsciously or He purposefully pushed my life around so that I would have time to solidify that bond with Himself so it was something that couldn’t be easily broken by stress.
Oh, well. I’m going to keep trying and keep rearranging my life, keep investing in change, until I find something that works and makes my family and my Sweetest Friend happy.