Very rarely am I a woman on the astral plane. It happens. Sometimes I am, and when I am a woman in the astral I almost always have heightened secondary sexual characteristics-in other words I’m never really the me I can check out in the mirror. The difference could simply be my mind filtering the energies I’m interacting with-I tend to think the way some people draw comics and anime. Bold colors and strong lines. My mind could be getting my soul body’s energetically feminine energies and it decides to attribute an energetically feminine physicality to it, or possibly my mental pictures could be colorations from past lives, but either way…I am not the body I see in the mirror on the astral. Ever.
My gender on the astral speaks to a general disconnect I sometimes feel with my physical body on the mundane plane. A lot of people don’t realize from the way I write and the subjects I choose to write about that I am a woman unless I describe body parts or something that gives it away (such as the fact that I’ve birthed two children). There are days when I feel like a CIS woman, and I’m very earth mother and in touch with the world, but this was far more frequent for me when I was pregnant. These days I tend to be grumpy with my body. I don’t dislike it per se, it is what it is and so far it’s served me pretty well in all the aspects I could want a body to serve me, but sometimes it just doesn’t jive with what I think I should be seeing. I have narrowed down my disconnect from being more or less happy with my body to an increase in astral activity where I am far more often wandering around in a male body. I dream as a male, usually, as well.
There’s something to this for me-something that runs deep. I have a lot of “masculine” energy in my make up. I’ve been mulling astral gender identity over for a while because a few months ago I was having a lot of “dude” days, and the deities seem to be drawing my attention to this. During a meditation recently I was having a dude time, like I tend to, and basically got the-“Are you comfortable? Good.” vibes from Loki, kind of a …”give yourself permission to be comfortable, at the very least here” idea. Then, guess what, I got the impression that it doesn’t matter to Him either way. It’s my soul energy he’s attached to, and man/woman/or other He’s going to be there. Then He kissed me. It’s not the first time He’s kissed me on the astral as a man, and probably won’t be the last. It wasn’t particularly sexual, more of a confirmation of His intent.
My gender discomfort/confusion keeps getting tossed at me as something to at the very least think about, and it makes sense. How can I do deep work if I can’t be comfortable with myself? On the astral I’ve been starting to allow myself to be that masculine energy more and more because there is no way to do serious work if I’m in a fabricated shell there, and I certainly CAN create a feminine mask for my energy if I choose to do so. I can’t work with true universal energy if I’m not allowing my true form through, and for me it seems to actually shift. Sometimes it is a feminine energy and sometimes not, and the basic building blocks of the universe, I suspect are the same way, containing both the feminine and the masculine.