A friend’s brother committed suicide last night. I believe in our right to choose our own destiny, yet I automatically recoiled from the thought of ever doing such a thing myself.

Why wouldn’t I commit suicide even though that, my friends, is arguably the most control one could have of the end of this life span? Well, I guess, because I like me (to be completely narcissistic about things) to start. I like my family and friends. So, there’s that, but also, I’ve put so much WORK into this life, and as someone who believes in reincarnation I can’t imagine the monumental pain in the ass it would be to start over again so soon. This may sound like I’m making light of a tragedy, but I’m serious here. I don’t want to have to learn to tie my shoes again. That took me forever to get down. Assuming I even reincarnate in a time period where clothing is what it is today.

I don’t trust that fickle bitch time not to drop me back a few centuries and I like toilet paper, thanks much. And antibiotics, at least when they’re necessary.

Another thing? I think Loki would be pissed off and disappointed with me if I were to up and disappear on Him at this point. I don’t think He has an easy time keeping track of people once they go where they go to wait to reincarnate or go somewhere else-I mean, I think he CAN-but, it would be a huge pain in the ass for Him and He likes to know where His people are. I’m not egotistical enough to believe that I’m a hinge point in his cosmic plans, or anything like that, but He cares about me and it’s not nice to disappear on the people who care about you, Gods and men alike.

So, I could never do it. I would feel too guilty to commit suicide. How’s that for a spot of neurosis?

I think when we die there’s a sort of natural order we’re following if it comes about at its appointed time in its own natural way. I don’t know that it’s in anyone’s Wyrd to commit suicide, but then again, what do I know about anything? Suicide seems unnatural, abrupt, especially when one is at the height of life and health. Perhaps it is something different if a you’re going to die anyway, have a terminal illness.

I also think suicide splinters something in the soul, yanking one lifetime out by the roots leaves a hole we will have to deal with the next time around. We’ll have to heal the hurt we’ve caused ourselves if we commit suicide. We always have to heal our traumas and pain with or without the help of the Gods, so by committing suicide we’re making the next lifetime harder too.

I understand people don’t cut their life short because they’re happy. They do it because they’re in pain. They need help. They need healing here and now. My hope is that anyone who is in need of healing would get it now and not have to deal with it again the next time their wheel turns.

If you or anyone you love is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please talk to someone about it.


2 thoughts on “Suicide

  1. I’ve given this a lot of thought since coming around to believe in reincarnation. Ideation is something I’ve struggled with in the past so suicide is an issue close to my heart. I do agree that suicide makes the next life harder which I am NOT inclined to do for myself because, fuck, this current life is hard enough.

    I hope that your friend’s brother meets compassion in death.

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